


The Hero She Deserves

by BlackMajjicDuchess



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Depravity, F/M, Heroism, Lust, Promiscuity, Promises, Romance, Self-Loathing, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-15
Updated: 2014-03-17
Packaged: 2018-01-12 11:57:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1185955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackMajjicDuchess/pseuds/BlackMajjicDuchess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Several years into the most recent Great Ninja War, death is almost a certainty. In her desperation to feel alive, Temari has given over to random carnal encounters in the anonymity of darkness, but Shikamaru is the only man she ever wanted. Staying alive is priority number one, but all bets are off when the war is over... if it ever ends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Low Down Dirty Sand

**Author's Note:**

> Previously posted on fanfiction.net under the same pen name on 7/23/2012.

Chapter One: The Low Down Dirty Sand

I hate myself, she thought as consciousness claimed her. It was, as it had been for the past three years, her first thought upon waking. I really, truly loathe who I've become.

Among all the Shinobi of the Five Villages, she was probably the only one who'd somehow become a worse person instead of a better one. Oh, she hid it well, but inside her heart she wanted nothing more than to fall on her sword and end it all. Every day, she was brave, confident, and strong for her comrades and, most importantly, her brothers. She was intensely proud of both Gaara and Kankuro. Both had become excellent young men, and the Sand Village was a better place because of them both. She tried her best to live up to their contributions, and so she made herself a leader for the women of the village to admire, love, and respect. Every night, she made poorer and poorer choices, ones she halfheartedly hoped her brothers never heard, or at least disbelieved.

And all of her choices, every single one, good and bad, were because of a lazy sack of shit named Shikamaru.

Even thinking of his name made her sigh with regret. He should have been hers when they were teenagers. She still wasn't sure why they'd never made it happen. There was this village function or that battle to fight. During every one, they caught each other's eyes and pretended they didn't notice it. When they had the opportunity to talk, they didn't. It wasn't awkward or anything; it just wasn't ready. The spark that was there refused to ignite, and so they spent any time they had together being allied Shinobi and nothing more.

As consciousness took her and she was aware that another day was here and she must be who she must be, her heart felt heavier and heavier. When it was finally a lump of stone dead in her chest, she opened her eyes. Before her was the rugged, scarred face of some ninja or other. His name escaped her. It didn't matter. She might have slept with him before or not. She never remembered their faces or their names, and it was better for her that way. It was the same thing every night, the same sad dance.

She dressed quickly and left the tent. The sun was just starting to peek above the horizon. She slept very little these days. She fell asleep well after nightfall, and woke up before first light. No one ever saw her dalliances. She had made sure of that. Thankfully, it meant few men ever really saw her face. No one knew of her licentiousness, and her reputation was pure.

One man always knew though. Shikamaru missed nothing. Whether or not he even cared, he wouldn't say. He wanted her to know that he knew, though. One morning as she escaped the tents, he was just there. Perfect, handsome, arrogant and lazy, leaning against a tree. He didn't say a word. He caught her eyes with his, held them, quietly and thoroughly raped her mind, heart, and soul, and walked away. She'd felt so ashamed, so utterly pathetic, that she'd been a wreck for days. It was as if he'd told her a thousand ways how wretched she was in a glance. He didn't have to say anything. Her imagination filled in all the words he could have said, each phrase worse than the last.

She made her away across camp to find Gaara. They met every morning. Despite how busy the Kazekage was during the Great Ninja War, he always managed to find time to talk to her and Kankuro. It was their favorite part of every day, a bit of normalcy among chaos. Funny that they even considered it normal now. As they grew up, there was nothing in the world her and Kankuro had feared more than Gaara. He had been unstable and dangerous. They'd watched him crush and mangle countless people, indiscriminate of age or gender. Most days she didn't know if she'd live to see the sunset. Nowadays, nothing could separate they three. Gaara had become a leader truly worthy of respect and adoration. Kankuro's brush with death had slowed him down and made him more responsible. Both men were serious, compassionate, handsome ninja, and she found solace in knowing that she had been part of creating that as their eldest sibling.

She found him at the highest point of camp as she often did. He liked to watch everyone wake up and put on their ninja faces for the day. They had all remarked during one of their morning meetings that it seemed like a Shinobi only had emotions in the darkness of their individual tents. When they were alone or with friends, they hated, feared, and mourned like any other person, but as they woke up and greeted their comrades they all became strong, stoic, and one.

"Gaara," she greeted him, hugging her youngest brother.

"Temari," he said, returning her hug. "Still not sleeping?"

She shrugged. "I can sleep when I'm dead. If I sleep I'm more likely to be." She smiled, hoping it would pass as a joke.

It didn't. "You're leading your own companies now. I need you to be well rested." He frowned.

Gaara as a Kazekage could be irritating sometimes. "I'll sleep more, I promise." It was a lie, and he saw right through it, but he said nothing more. "Do you ever sleep?"

Gaara looked away. "You know I never have."

"Your demon was stripped from you. You can sleep now," she said with concern.

"Even if I can… I don't. Sleep eludes me. I feel like that Shikamaru half the time. As a battle commander, I can't stop thinking about strategies, formations, and contingency plans. As long as the thoughts keep springing up, I stay awake, entertaining them. One of my thoughts could save lives."

"One of your naps could save yours," she retorted.

He nodded but said nothing. They watched the Shinobi waking for a few moments in silence. Then, quietly he said, "Temari, I need to talk to you about something, and I need to talk to you as your brother and not as Kazekage."

Her mood darkened immediately. Gaara as a brother was worse than Gaara as Kazekage. "Whatever it is, I'm sure I don't want to talk about it."

"That's why I want to talk about it." His strange, pale eyes locked onto hers and she froze. Even after all these years, he could still scare her, even if he didn't mean to. When those eyes turned on her, she remembered all the times he almost killed her. He knew that, and although it pained him to do so, he'd still use those icy glares on her when he wanted her to sit still and listen. "You aren't happy."

Her first thought was "oh good, he doesn't know about me."

He sighed. "I can see right through the act you play for everyone else. I appreciate it, and I know it's not easy. But, I know better. I don't know what's going on, but if you can't get ahold of yourself soon, you will end up killing yourself."

"That's kind of the plan," she muttered under her breath.

His eyes grew wide with alarm. "Temari… I know we three are not so good at showing affections, but… you know I love you, don't you? I want you to be happy." She said nothing. Gaara took a deep breath. "You know, if Naruto Uzumaki were here, he'd know just the right thing to say to shatter your coat of ice and give you hope. All I can think to say is… I think you have a demon, too. Not like mine, or Naruto's, but a demon. Maybe even a worse demon. If Naruto and I can learn to live with our demons, even turn them to our cause, I think you can, too."

"Oh, look! Here comes Kankuro!" she said too cheerily. She was not really into talking therapy with Gaara. It was easier to avoid her problem than discuss it with one of the only two people she actually enjoyed spending time with. Well, and Shikamaru.

Gaara, held her with his I'm-going-to-kill-you glare a moment longer, his brows pulled together with concern, then turned to their other brother. "Gaara, Temari," he said happily. "A pleasure as always." They embraced, though Gaara and Kankuro shared what she called the "awkward man-hug," fists clamped between them. Most days it made her smile, but today she ignored it and tried to be excluded.

"What's the matter, Temari?" Kankuro asked. "Bad dreams?"

"You could say that," she grumbled.

Kankuro frowned and looked at Gaara. "What did you say to her? Did you try to tell her she needs to get laid again?" Kankuro chuckled, and even Gaara smiled. That had been funny. As Gaara was making his transition into being the leader of the village, he had begun educating himself on how to speak to his two siblings by asking other people how to read emotions. One girl in the village had coyly suggested that perhaps Temari's bad attitude was because she needed to get some. Gaara had, in all seriousness and deadly Gaara form, tried to tell her that she needed to find a man to fuck all the tension out of her. She nearly popped her eyeballs out onto the floor, and Kankuro had laughed so hard he'd spit his sake out all over the place and fell out of his chair. He needed painkillers for his abdominal muscles for three days. That was the beginning of a serious relationship among the three of them, and had been an inside joke ever since.

"More or less," was Gaara's response.

"Maybe let's skip the chatsy, today then. I'll talk to her."

Gaara hesitated, but he walked a few paces away. "Good luck today," he told them before retreating to his own thoughts.

Kankuro draped a heavy arm across her shoulders and pulled her away. "What's the matter?"

Something about Kankuro actually pulled answers out of her, though she was loath to respond at all. "Bad night. Bad morning. Bad life, I guess."

"Ah. It's the war. It's getting to us all."

"No, it's not the war. It's me. It's everyone. It's that everyone is so tough and awesome and I'm just a wretched, wretched woman."

He grabbed her arm and whipped her out, snatching her other shoulder. It was the kind of physical shake that only a ninja could pull off without hurting someone. "You. Are. Not. What's the matter? Haven't you fucked the brains out of Shikamaru yet?" He must have seen something in her face, because he rolled his eyes. "For fucks sake, Temari, you two have been fucking each other across rooms for years. Everyone has seen you two going at it but you. You're 21 years old now. We're all about to die. What are you waiting for?"

She found she couldn't speak. All the wind was out of her sails. Kankuro had not always been so blunt. She was actually supposed to be the blunt one. However, he had known about her crush on Shikamaru, for a long time now and, very unlike a brother, actually supported her in it. It was weird, but nice. What's more, what he said actually made sense. She could be dead any day. She'd be damned forever if she didn't scratch this itch.

It was all very overwhelming. Against her will, tears sprang to her eyes. Kankuro swore. "Dammit, I'm sorry, Temari." He hugged her hard. "Whatever is bothering you… do you want to talk about it?" She shook her head. "Can I help?" She shook her head again. He sighed heavily. "Alright then. I'll shut up. If you need me, I'm here. But whatever it is, don't do anything stupid. Even if the war doesn't need you—which it does—Gaara and I need you. And probably that Nara, too."

She composed herself and pulled away. "Alright. Thanks." He nodded curtly, and they parted ways. She put on her brave, confident face and suppressed all the tumultuous feeling that raged within. It was the same thing she did every day, and by now it had gotten almost easy. She knew that her emotions would return with a vengeance once she was alone, but for now she was surrounded by ninja, and they needed to see her as they believed she was. She was Temari, the elder sister of the Kazekage, and the strongest woman of the Village Hidden in the Sand. She was intimidating. Awesome, even. Telling herself all the things that people said about her helped her to become who they needed. During the day, she actually felt good about who she was. It would be at the end of the day that she remembered just how awful she felt about herself.


	2. Witless

The day was a full one. There were skirmishes all around base camp, as was often the case. Small parties of white Zetsus continuously heckled them, just so they could never fully rest. It made them all twitchy, constantly paranoid of one another and wondering when the next attack would begin. A day at base camp included talking strategy, fighting back raiding parties of Zetsus, patrolling the perimeter of camp, burying the dead, and guessing at the predicament of the other, long lost divisions of the war.

Night came. Gaara's company had had a few smaller, lighter fights today, and so the Shinobi came back feeling heady with victory. Sake was very precious at camp, since it was hard to travel with and expensive besides, but tonight it flowed in rivers. The ninja in her mind told her that drinking was stupid. If they were all drunk and Madara pounced tonight, they'd be obliterated. Somehow, tonight it did not matter. She tossed a few back herself, and before she knew it, she was pleasantly numb and felt to be in love with everybody.

Long after most had stumbled home to their tents, she, Gaara and Kankuro were still sitting around the fire. They were laughing and telling stories about battles, from today and from years ago.

"Remember at the Chunin exams?" Kankuro slurred, recalling their childhood. "The first time you really saw Shikamaru in action? Well, not in action, I guess, since he wasn't doing you, but you were fighting. Remember?"

She smiled wistfully, drunk on sake. "Yeah, I remember that. It was the first time anyone had ever outsmarted me."

Gaara smiled a rare smile. "You never forget the first time someone shows you up," he murmured, probably remembering his fights with Naruto.

Kankuro chuckled. "It's good to know that we weren't as elite as we thought we were. You can't get any better when you're already the best."

"I'll drink to that," Gaara slurred horribly, sloshing sake in a haphazard salute.

"Mm-hmm," Temari said, clinking her bottle to his.

Kankuro clinked his bottle too, nodding. They drank long and heavily. Kankuro started drooping first. Temari nudged him with a shoulder, and she and Gaara laughed when he hit the dirt hard, his bottle of sake rolling across the ground. "He's a goner," Gaara drawled. Kankuro was passed out cold.

"Yep," replied Temari.

Gaara chuckled, drained the rest of his bottle, and threw it in the fire. The fire leapt and hissed. "Alright, see you tomorrow," he said, barely managing to stand. He staggered off into the darkness.

"Bye," she said belatedly. No one answered.

It took her a few moments to realize she was alone. It was these moments that unhinged her. All the dark thoughts that she kept at bay during the day for her comrades came squalling back to her mind when she was alone.

She was alone. Twenty-one, beautiful and deadly, and already one of the best Shinobi in the world, and no one seemed to really want her. Her brother Gaara was the single most frightening man on the planet at eighteen years old. Who wanted that as a brother-in-law? No man would ever show interest in her once they knew who she was. She was too overwhelming a person to be enjoyed, and as sad and pathetic as it sounded, she was lonely.

The only person she really wanted was Shikamaru. And yet… she wasn't ready to admit that to him or to herself. When she thought about him, she was mentally kicking herself for never making that move. She respected his intelligence and strength, went crazy for his soft voice, and saw his face in the darkness as she sank lower and lower into carnal destruction. It was him that she imagined herself fucking in the tents. Part of her wondered if the anonymity of it all was just so that there was a chance she'd accidentally end up in his tent to save them the awkward sexual tension of trying to date. And then every morning she woke to shame and misery, remembering his face when he'd seen her that morning. Of course, that wasn't really possible anymore, since he'd been transferred to the Fifth Division some time back. How long had it been since he'd been a part of the Fourth? Six months?

She finished one bottle of sake and moved on to the dregs of what was left in Kankuro's bottle. She slumped against a tree and hung her head, thinking.

This Great Ninja War was more frightening in person than it was in theory. Every day she was certain she was going to die, or that Gaara or Kankuro was going to die, or Shikamaru was going to die. Every single day was a process of building up enough courage so as to impart it to others, suppressing emotions so that the tide of battle wasn't enough to overwhelm and prove fatal, and then unwinding the tension at the end of the night in a frazzle of tears or wild abandon. It was an emotional roller coaster, and it was starting to desensitize her to injury and death in general. It was scary to think that she could feel that way, that a person's death would not affect her.

Some days she wondered what life would be like after the war. On those days she thought about Shikamaru. Some nights she thought that her life would end before the war did. On those nights she played Tent Roulette.

And the pattern of it all made her feel like a miserable, worthless whore, dreaming about a husband she would never have. She deserved less than him.

And it was right about here in the thought process that she pulled the veil over her face, stole through the shadows, and found a bed to fall into. She dashed to the center-left of camp, barely sober, and opened a tent flap. The first thing she did was grope at the sleeping ninja's groin. About a quarter of the time she guessed wrong and grabbed a woman, but they hardly ever noticed as light as her touch was, before she was gone again.

Tonight she had guessed right. She undressed and undid her trademark hair so they couldn't recognize her. Then she slithered under the covers next to the man and caressed him awake. It never took long, and the satisfaction was fleeting, but as always she hoped that the brief encounter would be enough to see her through another day.

_I hate myself. I hate, hate, hate myself, and I love Shikamaru._ She groaned softly. Her head was pounding, which only added to her self-loathing. The face of her nightly conquest was a handsome one this time. She shrugged, dressed, and did her hair, then stole out of the tent and into the still night air.

And then there he was. His face was drawn tight with exhaustion, haggard and pale. He was sweating. His right arm was wrapped around to his left side, and blood had seeped through his shirt. He was panting, trying not to look hurt. It didn't look life-threatening, at a glance, but it was serious. Her eyes flew open in surprise, and despite his ill look, he was still a vision to her eyes. "Shikamaru?" she blurted, unable to stop.

He dropped the injured ninja act and drew himself up to his full height. "Temari." And then in the span of two paces, he had both arms wrapped around her, one around her back and one around her head, and he was kissing her with all the passion her midnight romances had ever lacked. Her breath left her in a hurry, and her body melted into his. And then, too quickly, his lips left hers, though their foreheads still touched. "I… I don't know why. I had to see you." And then, he released her, looking as surprised as she knew she did, and limped away.

True to their strange behaviors, she let him go and said nothing, despising herself more with every step he took away from her. Even worse, she decided to use the sexual build up he'd caused in her to go back into the tent she'd just left and rock the lucky guy's world the likes of which he'd never known before. It was the sweetest sex she'd ever had, and it was wrong, so wrong, that she ran from the tent after and vomited in her shame.

The purging cleared her head in a way she'd never experienced. She also decided not to eat that day, and didn't show up for her morning with her brothers. She spent the morning in solitude, trying to determine if Shikamaru had been some sweet dream or an even sweeter reality. Whatever had transpired, real or false, she knew one thing only: she needed to talk to Shikamaru. Or kiss him. Or more. It didn't matter anymore.

It took her an embarrassing amount of time-most of the day-to realize that Shikamaru was probably headed back to his Division. Alone. Injured. With Madara and company between point A and point B. She trailed herself to where she'd left the men's tents earlier. There was a very subtle blood trail, one that could not be seen unless that was what you were looking for. He needed her, and he might be dying. The thought simultaneously frightened and thrilled her. Shikamaru had risked his life to see her, and now she was the only one with an idea of where he was. The talk they should have had three years ago was inevitable. Without hesitation, she picked up on his trail and followed it into the wilderness, completely heedless of any danger. He hadn't made it far. Less than a mile outside camp, he'd collapsed from fever and was nearing death. Her heart in her throat, she approached. "Shikamaru?" she asked hesitantly, fearing he was already gone.

There was a long silence, then a horrific rattle as he took a breath. "Yeah," he replied.

She let go a sigh of relief as she dropped to his side. "You know, for someone so smart, you're kind of an idiot. You're wounded. Why are you making trips back and forth between your company and base camp? You had to know you needed time to recover. Or at least that there was an ancient wizard class ninja between you and yours. I know you're brighter than that." She knew the answer, but she either needed to hear it, or needed to hear something else. He shook his head slightly. "I don't know." She waited for more, but it didn't come. She sighed, disappointed.

"If you're not careful you really will die," she said to fill the silence. She surveyed his wounds. They weren't life threatening on their own. It was his recklessness, exhaustion, and blood loss more than the physical tears that were killing him. He needed healing and rest, she figured, and would probably be fine. She had never had medical ninja training, but she knew the basics. She sent her chakra through his body and knitted up the outside of the wound. The rest was in the hands of others.

His brow was feverish and he seemed very weak, but Temari knew this man. Underneath it all was determination. He would not die if she got him back to camp soon. She slung him over her shoulder despite his groan of protest and feeble attempt to hit her and hurried back to camp. She handed over Shikamaru to the medical corps, who began treating him right away. "Great work, Temari. He'll be just fine." That was clearly a doctor's dismissal, and she knew all about those. It meant "go away, and stay out of the way." The medics didn't like it when non-patients mucked up their work.

With Shikamaru in the proper hands, she made a circuit around camp, gathering her thoughts. There was no dancing around their feelings now. He'd risked death just to kiss her. She owed him some sort of explanation of her feelings at least. She walked around camp no less than thirteen times. When she was finally tired, she strode into the medical tents. On her face she wore the expression of Temari, the Kazekage's sister. The medics frowned at her, but no one tried to stop her when she ducked into Shikamaru's tent.


	3. The Inevitable Talk

"Shikamaru," she said cordially as she entered his tent.

"Temari," he rasped. He looked better, but not good. He was still sweaty and pale. He'd live though, and that was all that mattered.

"You don't look so good," she managed.

"You're one to talk. I know you don't sleep." He managed a weak smile.

Some time passed. Neither said a word. It seemed like everything between them had always been silent understanding and nothing more. Finally, she felt the need to confess, and broke the silence. "Shikamaru… that morning, when you saw me... I can explain."

He leveled his eyes with her. "Explain what?" She turned away. "Explain that it's a war and you don't know if you'll live to see another sunrise? Explain that you and I are not together and you don't have a reason to be faithful? Or explain that you are a gorgeous, strong, intelligent woman who has every reason to want to feel validated in the arms of a strong man? I'm not an idiot."

She wilted under his gaze, astounded. "Well, then... why were you there?"

He hesitated. "I had hoped that if you were looking for someone to validate your existence and renew your strength, you'd consider visiting my tent. I was there that morning to invite you to do so. What did you think I meant by it?"

It was such an amazingly simple explanation that it had her completely thrown off. "I… I thought you were judging me, and that you thought me a whore."

He didn't laugh. He made no expression whatsoever that indicated he was mocking her. "No. Although, after I did that, I wanted to kick myself. That was a terrible idea."

"Oh really? Why is that?" Her heart fell, worried.

"This war… the random sex." She tried to glance at him from beneath her lashes, studying his face. She knew she didn't deserve his affection, not after everything, but she wanted—needed—his forgiveness. He noticed her looking at him though, and hurried to explain. "It's not what you're thinking, Temari. Stop punishing yourself. What I mean by that is this: You're strong, capable, and an absolute babe. You're the kind of woman I'd want to come home to, not the one I'd want to waste a quickie on so that I don't feel so mortal." He said it so matter-of-factly... but that was Shikamaru to the core. He said what he believed, and usually didn't say anything he didn't mean. It was a compliment, a damned good compliment, that sounded like an excerpt he read straight out of book. He didn't even blush when he said it, damn him!

But it tilted her world on its head and elicited a slow, small smile that she didn't have to put there herself.

"I get the feeling that you don't see it that way, so let me explain it further. I have been studying you for a long time now. I'm not much of a romantic, I'm sure you've noticed. I tried to plan a hundred moves ahead with you-I'm famous for that-and it never turns out the way I imagined. Someone could have told me that strategy doesn't really work with women, but hey. I'm kind of new at this whole thing. I don't really do so well at making decisions without thinking, and I'm starting to figure out that if you want to be with a girl, that's the only way that it will actually happen. Apparently, you need to think with your heart and not your head so much. Who knew? So, I've been studying you to try to figure out how your mind works. My plan was to know as much about you before we tried anything as I could so that any relationship we had would have a chance of succeeding because, let's face it, if we broke up I'd probably be killed." He laughed and ran a hand through his hair.

"Gaara and Kankuro," she agreed, nodding.

"Yeah. I don't think I'd enjoy being on their bad side, but besides that, I don't think a woman as tough as you is an enemy I'd enjoy having either. 'Bitches be crazy,' or so I've been told." He waved his hand absently, discrediting his source. "Shino's been dating all the wrong women."

Temari laughed. "Shino said that?"

"Yeah. He's a fucking weirdo. He likes weird girls." He shrugged, as if that were all the explanation it needed.

They both laughed. When it finally trailed off, Shikamaru's face grew serious again. "The first time you went to some other guy's tent, I was glad for you," he said quietly.

She was confused. "You were?"

He nodded. "Yeah. It was after you'd been hurt pretty badly. I could see it in your face you thought you were going to die. I knew you'd been crying, though you'd never admit to it. You spent that day the medical corps released you like it was your last day on earth. You had a fun evening with your brothers and had a few beers, and then you went to that guy. I can admit freely that I was really jealous, because I heard you in there and I wanted to be that guy. It took a lot of self-control not to go in there and give him a red grin." He drew a finger from ear to ear beneath his chin to show what he meant. "I left. I went for a run in the dark and nearly broke my fool neck. I would have had this talk with you the next day because I was angrier than I thought I'd be about the thought of you with someone else, but then…" He smiled. "Then I saw you, that next day. You were... calm, almost happy. Peaceful."

She remembered it well, too. It was the first time she'd had sex in months and it was awesome. And then add in the war, and the death, and the beer…

"I can see you remember too. I had to think about it for a few days before I could justify what was going on, but I did. You know what the answer is?" She shook her head. He leaned forward, his face within inches of hers, and brushed her cheek with his fingers. "Yeah, you do. You want me, too, the same way I want you." She shivered at his words. It was far more than she'd expected to hear. "Meaning you don't want a quickie in a tent. You don't want to fuck me like it's your last day on earth. You want to take your time and do it right. You know that you and I can make this work. You want a good, slow burn, a fire that lasts a lifetime." He kissed her again, and it was even better than the first time, full of all the promises he'd voiced. And this time he didn't walk away when they broke it.

"Now, darling," he purred silkily, "enough of the self-hatred. We both know who you're thinking about during your midnight ride. Keep doing things the way you are. You aren't hurting my feelings. It's flattering, really. No one's ever felt that way about me before. See my face when you fuck those guys. And when this war is over, I'll be sure to wipe all their faces from your memory until I'm the only one you can remember ever being with. And I'll do it nice and slow." His voice lowered even more, hotter than anything. "Imagine a full night, planned hundreds of moves in advance, ending with you exhausted and retarded from overuse." He kissed her sweetly, a contradiction of his utter wickedness.

She swallowed, her body alight with sensation, trying to imagine. Every scenario she could think up was more sinful than the last. She could only guess at what his mind was cooking up, and she was already turned on. She found his hand and locked her fingers in his and squeezed. "Looking forward to it," she croaked, her throat dry.

"Me, too. I've wanted you for years. No sooner do I plan one way to fuck you than I'm already inventing another. I have years of pent up scenarios to spend. And my mind is good at remembering things." He grinned, and she shuddered again. She wanted him. Here, now, and anywhere, later. Today, tomorrow, every day thereafter. She kissed him then, urgently, and he nipped her lip. The spark had finally ignited, and they were ready to do something about it. "Temari," he whispered. "Not here, not now."

She pulled back, angry, denied. "Why not?"

He chuckled. "I know you've been listening. After the war, Temari girl. I'll come for you."

And then, finally, something shifted in her, and she felt… better. "You'd better," she said, standing. She drank him in one more time with her eyes. Even half dead, he was handsome. It was going to be even more fun to imagine him naked now. She made her way to the door, and turned one more time, a pure, wicked joy coursing through her. In a moment of rare flirtatiousness, she blew him a kiss and smirked. "But you won't come for me half as hard as I'll come for you." And then she left him there, speechless, mouth agape in surprise.

That night, she fell fast asleep, alone but happy. Blessedly, she didn't even dream. It was the fullest night of sleep she'd had in three years.

As she dozed away the morning, she had short, tiny dreams about Shikamaru. Every time she'd doze off, she'd see him there. He'd be laughing, or playing Shougi, or on his back staring up at his clouds, or hovering over her, naked and grinning. Then she'd wake and groan with regret, just before drifting off to see him again. It was complete, unadulterated bliss, and it was all hers.

And then someone poked her in the ribs with their toes.

"Hey. Sleeping Ugly. It's morning." Kankuro. Fuck.

She threw a pillow at him and rolled over, pulling the blankets up over her head. "What are you doing in my tent? I was having a good dream."

"Oh yeah?" he teased, a smile evident in his voice. "Like, a really good dream?"

"Yes, like a really good dream," she grumbled.

"Like, a naked dream?" he badgered, poking her incessantly.

"YES! NOW WILL YOU PLEASE GO AWAY?" she shouted from the ground.

"No," he said simply, toeing her in the ribs again. "Like, a naked Shikamaru dream?"

"Oh my god, you are  _such_  a  _PEST_!" she yelled, whipped the blankets off to the side. "I am  _so_  going to kick your ass!" she grabbed her fan from the ground and rolled to her feet, whipping it open, sending her tent flying and leaving them both open to the sunlight. Immediately, she regretted it. The sun was high in the sky and burned her retinas out of her skull. She fell to her knees, dropped the fan, and howled from the glare.

Kankuro, of course, had been laughing the whole time. He tackled her, knocking the fan out of her reach, and they immediately started wrestling. She was a really good squirmer, but he always won in wrestling. He was heavier and just as fast. By the time he had her pinned with her arms twisted behind her back, the whole camp was staring.

For shame, it could have been worse, she supposed, but it was enough. "Alright, Kankuro, I give up."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I can't hear you above the uproarious laughter."

"I said I GIVE UP. Let me go!"

He released her and helped her up, smiling. She made a mocking smile in return. "Gaara was worried," he explained with a shrug, "so I had to come get you. After that morning a while back, and then you didn't come yesterday morning. We gave you some space yesterday but he decided enough was enough, and you know Gaara." He shrugged. "Better me than him."

Meaning that if she didn't go with Kankuro now, she'd be getting a sound thrashing if Gaara had to come see if she was okay. "Yeah. I know Gaara."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know what some of you are thinking. Whoring around a camp of anonymous men doesn't seem like a forgivable offense. Shikamaru probably deserves better. But, as for me, I think Shikamaru would be more in tune with the psychological aspects of a long war. I think he'd be one of those that would not judge any of his comrades' actions during such a war. It's be one of those periods of a lifetime that everyone would rather leave in the past and forget about. Besides that, they aren't dating yet, and while he's jealous and angry, he knows he has no right to be.  
> I think he's a better man than that. :) And Temari, wartime antics aside, is an awesome woman. Totally worth it.


	4. The Gift of Genius

Their younger brother was in his usual spot, but he looked amused. Small chance that he had missed the spectacle with the fan and the tent and the wrestling. "Good morning, Temari," he greeted her.

"Oh, is it?" she growled. "I hadn't noticed."

"It's good to see you're back to your old self."

"You mean you love it when I'm bitchy?" she shot back acidly.

"Yep. It's a step up from mopey."

"And she was sound asleep when I beat her up," Kankuro added.

Gaara smiled at that. "Sound asleep and bitchy in one day? What's gotten into you?"

"A certain guy, I suspect," Kankuro nudged Gaara. "So far into her that she lost her sense of reality and—"

She cut him off before he could get any further. "Oh stop it, you two. You're like kids." She knew she was blushing. Damn.

And that was when Gaara surprised her with a hug. "I knew it had something to do with Nara. Good to have you back, Temari." Kankuro hugged her too, and said much the same thing.

In spite of herself, she was calmed immensely by their words. "Thanks guys. It's hard to find someone with brothers like you." She meant it as a joke, but all three of them knew it was true, too. They just nodded. "And nothing is official yet. We still have a war to win."

"Yes," Gaara said soberly. "We still have a war to win."

The Great Ninja War had raged on far longer than it really should have. What began as an end-all-be-all clash between the Shinobi Allied Forces and Madara's White Zetsu had turned into a years-long constant grind between the Shinobi Allied Forces and an endless supply of White Zetsu. There was not an end to the bastards. Furthermore, Tobi turned out not to be Madara after all, and the real Madara was now loosed upon the world. He was smarter, stronger, faster, and crueler than Tobi, and now that both of them were part of the war, it was looking pretty grim. With the companies spread out as they were, it seemed precariously easy just to obliterate them one small group at a time, but each time a company tried to retreat to base camp, Madara and Tobi were both there, keeping them separate and wiping out their numbers. It had been a miracle at all that Shikamaru had made it to base camp. And, she realized, his leaving had left Fourth Company without the leadership strength that it needed. She had no idea who was leading it in his place, but whoever it was could not be half as smart as he was. She felt guilty that she was the cause of Fourth Company's vulnerability. She'd also been recalled to base camp, reportedly because her brothers didn't like her so far out of their reach. She hadn't liked it then, and she liked it less now. It felt too much like giving up, like they'd all silently decided that they were going to die, and at least this way they could do it together.

Their numbers were dwindling, and the outlook of the Shinobi world did not seem hopeful. About the only things they had going for them were that Naruto and Bee were still out there fighting, but as long as their companies were separated, they were weak and too few.

The topic of this morning's discussion was apparently how to marry the companies together, as it usually was. Gaara, though he tried, was only an above average strategist, and the major flaws in every plan were obvious. Too many of them were likely to die. The real purpose of their morning chats was to try to find a way to meet up with their comrades without losing too many Shinobi in the process. Madara and Tobi seemed content just to leave them where they were, fretting, fearing, and ever so slowly dwindling. They knew that they had the allies pinned and were more or less playing with their food. It was demoralizing.

One of the major setbacks to any plan was that the Intel Division had been decimated about a month prior, and they really had no way to communicate quickly or effectively. Any plan that they made was more or less in silence, and they couldn't really be sure that the other companies weren't making their own plans. They could head towards one division and find nothing. Sending runners was too dangerous. Naruto's Shadow Clones might have worked, but Naruto was too important in the melees to waste running errands. If Naruto stopped engaging Madara in fights or at least keeping the ancient ninja wary, they'd be instantly crushed. They had considered sending birds, but the birds did not know the territory well and relied on their homing senses to go between specific places.

"I've said it before, and I'll say it again," Kankuro offered for the thousandth time. "We ought to just go for it. We know where Shikamaru's company is already, and with the addition of his, we should be moderately safe, enough to find the others."

"It's too risky," Gaara also said for the thousandth time. "As much as I regret staying out of the brunt of the fighting, as Commander I can't be that reckless."

Temari was just about to say her thousandth "we need a smarter plan, I just don't know what" when the best strategist in the Allied Forces suddenly fell into their lap, in a manner of speaking. "None of that is going to work," he said in his matter-of-fact way.

She could see in Gaara's face that the sudden appearance of Shikamaru was the best gift he would ever be given. Hope was there, too. "Nara, welcome. Anything you can do?"

"Yeah, I've had a plan for a while now. There just wasn't a way to tell you. I didn't have the balls to try to run here by myself until recently. I was one hundred percent sure I'd be dead." The slight smirk? Classic Shikamaru.

"What made you think you'd make it through this time?" asked Temari.

"I didn't. I was one hundred percent sure I was dead already." He raked a hand through his hair and grinned.

Gaara nodded appreciatively. "Well, you're here now, and we're glad for it. What do you suggest?"

"It's pretty obvious really. We'll need to combine illusions and a diversion while simultaneously alerting everyone to meet in an agreed upon location."

"Yeah, that's pretty obvious," said Kankuro. "It just isn't really possible. We don't have a way to communicate anymore, so we're going in blind."

"Actually, there is a way."

The three of them just stared at him.

"Alright, kids. Come on out." He grinned, clearly pleased with himself.

Two young boys around ten years old approached them shyly, though whether because they were awed or scared, Temari could not be certain.

"There aren't supposed to be any children in the camps," Gaara said flatly. "What are they doing here?"

"Takuo and Bao have been in your camp all along, it seems. They are apparently very good at their transformation and pay close attention in school. Boys, show the Kazekage your transformations."

Visibly preening, the two boys gathered their chakra. "Transform!" they said as one. In a flash, the forms of two kids were replaced with tough but nondescript Shinobi. In an army where no one was too familiar with more than half of their comrades and everyone wore the same headband, they fit right in. Temari had to admit she was a little impressed.

"And," added Shikamaru, "they have a little trick that they've been playing with that might solve the communication problem. Go on, boys. Show them."

"Wait," Kankuro butted in, "tell us first.

"It's just a game, sir," said one of them. "We play it in school. It's called Telephone."

The other one nodded and said, "You can yell a sentence across a distance, but only the person you're yelling to can hear it. Then they yell it to someone else, and someone else, and someone else, until finally the last person gets the message. But by then, it's completely different from how it started, and it's really funny."

"Really funny!" agreed the other.

Dare they hope?

"Show me," Gaara commanded hungrily.

"I'll help," Shikamaru offered. "Bao, you Telephone Takuo, and he can Telephone me. Then I'll Telephone the Kazekage so he can see how it's done."

"Okay!" they said in unison.

Temari watched in stunned silence as Bao made like he was actually shouting quite loudly, but no sound came out. She couldn't decipher what was said. Takuo laughed audibly, then silently shouted to Shikamaru, who smiled. He appeared to speak to Gaara in a more moderate tone, but Gaara's lips quirked.

Gaara looked at Bao, one eyebrow quirked as if in question. "Madara doesn't like peas because they make him pee green?"

Bao fell to the ground and both boys howled with gales of laughter. "NO, Kazekage-sama! It's 'Madara doesn't like me because I think he's so mean!'"

Kankuro and Temari joined them all in laughing, and all the while Shikamaru just stood there smirking. She wondered what he was thinking.

"So," Gaara said finally. "How do we use this?"

"Well," Shikamaru began. "The Telephone trick is not a very complicated one. You only need to have a name and a face to yell to. The drawback is that the further away they are, the quieter the final message is received. The other drawback is that you need to shout in the correct direction, which if shouting from the center of a circle means there is an infinite number of radii that you could be trying to use. This means that if you're trying to locate someone, it's not ideal. But, if you have a good idea where they are, it's workable. The positive spin to that is that your voice is louder when you use it. I was whispering at you, Gaara."

"Oh," was all he said.

"You think that was bad… these kids like to yell as loud as they can just for kicks. Anyway, since our divisions are not that far spread out, it shouldn't take a whole lot of vocal gusto, but we will need someone with some pipes. The other thing is that we need to know someone in all the companies, and we need to explain how it works so that they can talk back to us. The nice thing is, anyone can learn this trick, so we don't need an Intel Division to communicate. All we need is a ninja that can speak who has at least one friend." He turned back to the kids. "Thanks, boys. You've probably saved the world today." He smiled and ruffled the nearest one's hair.

They beamed. Takuo actually did a fist pump. Then the two of them left the area.

"Those boys could be killed," Gaara said more seriously. "They shouldn't be here."

"I'm glad they are, though," Temari defended. "And they will be killed anyway if we don't win this war." Shikamaru nodded, as did Kankuro.

"Now," Shikamaru continued, unrolling a map. "the second division has been missing for a long time. We fear the worst. The last time we knew their position, it was here." He pointed to a spot on the map. "Third division should be pretty close by. I'm guessing somewhere around here." He pointed again. "What's left of the First Division should still be around here, because I don't see them having been able to get out of that gully without losing the rest of their forces." He swirled a finger around a low region on the map. "And finally, the Division I moved over to when Mifune went down, Fifth Division, is here." He poked the map just south of the shore. "We've been trying to meet back up with you guys for a long time, but Madara's favorite hangout is between you and the Fifth.

"What I propose is this: we bust the center out of this circle and swoop up around the perimeter. We'll need to go south. If we go north, we hit the shore and are penned in, which could be the death of us if Madara flanks us there. We head south, meet up with the Third Division, and devise two new divisions. We shouldn't be dividing our strengths anymore. No more long range, mid range, etc. We make balanced divisions. One division goes up the east side of the circle and picks up First Division, and one goes up the west hoping to run into the Second Division. We meet up with the Fifth Division last. By then, we should have enough of a force to negate the problem of having the water at our backs. Then we crush Madara and Tobi and whatever white zombie tree guys are with them between us and our trump cards: Naruto and Killer Bee." Shikamaru looked up finally. All three of them were nodding appreciatively.

"Well," Kankuro said after a long pause. "I like it." He shrugged.

Temari punched him in the shoulder. "You're such an asshole. I bet you lost what was going on when he mentioned Madara. I'm pretty sure you pissed yourself, because I can smell it."

"Nah, sis, that's just the smell of a woman in need of a shower," he retorted, poking her in return.

"You both stink," Gaara said, exasperated. "Now shut up." He turned back to Shikamaru. "You never explained the diversion."

He looked at the three of them in turn, the smile gone. "Gaara and Kankuro will need to each be a part of the two new divisions once you meet up with the Third. I need some spirited Genjutsu users I can count on to craft a fake army to take north, towards the Third Division. I need to go with it. They'll suspect I'm returning to my division and they know my face. But, I'll need to take Temari, too. She's too important to the alliance for them to pass up a chance to kill her, and she'll help give an impression that we are not the diversion."

"Me? Why am I important?" she asked.

"Because you're my sister," Gaara said softly, "and I am not about to let you die."

"Exactly," Shikamaru agreed. "I'm not happy about it, either. There's a good chance we're going to get killed, but if Temari goes with the diversion then they'll be expecting you to be keeping a close eye on her party."

"I guess," Temari said uncertainly. She didn't think Gaara nor Kankuro would be foolish enough to get everyone killed on her behalf, but if the enemy believed it, it'd be worth a try.

"We start the diversion at sunset. The bulk of our real forces need to be dressed in black and concealed before we're ready to begin. They will make a dash for the south as soon as night falls and use the cover of darkness to hide our escape. Speed is of paramount importance. As soon as the enemy discovers what we're up to, they'll use their ability to manipulate time and space to cut us off in a blink, and then we're all dead."

"What about Naruto and Bee?" Kankuro asked.

"Good question. Naruto and Bee will be Naruto and Bee. I have a hell of a lot of faith in Naruto at this point. Tell him what we're up to, and he'll figure out where he is needed the most. If there's one thing to be said of him, he somehow knows exactly where to go and then manages to do exactly what we need him to do. Furthermore, Madara and Tobi are far more interested in Naruto and Bee than they are with us. There's a good chance that our jinchuriki friends will provide enough distraction on their own and make this a cakewalk."

"Not likely," Temari said dryly. "But Naruto does have his way. I like this plan. It's really the only hope we've got."

"Alright," Gaara said on a heavy, burdened sigh. "Let's do it, then."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually had to sit away from my story for a couple of days to try to come up with a strategy that I felt sounded smart enough to have come from Shikamaru. I hope you folks enjoyed it. If you have a second, please leave a review. ^_^ Also, I have a lot of other great stories, and there's a little bit for everyone. I'm glad that you are still reading.


	5. Hero

The Telephone trick was sloppy, but it worked. It took them a few minutes to contact the Fifth Division, about half an hour to find the Third, and about four hours to find the First. There was no answer from the Second. Once they were able to talk to each other, morale in all divisions skyrocketed. All the Shinobi were on board with the plan. Naruto and Bee were ready for whatever needed to be done.

There was nothing left to be done but to do it.

A genjutsu was constructed over the camp so that to the eye it would see everything that happened in the camp yesterday today. It looked like everyone was still there. The only flaw in that plan was that if anyone was looking for Temari or Shikamaru, they'd be found out. Temari and Shikamaru and three genjutsu users were ready to head north toward the Fifth Division, and Gaara and Kankuro and the rest were swathed in black and ready to go south.

And then as the sun started to dip into the horizon, Gaara gave the signal, and she and Shikamaru, Hideki, Kohaku, and Kota began their mad dash for the north. She wondered if she had just seen the last of her brothers. It was a thought she had had many times as she dove into a battlefield. For this was, most certainly, going to be the battlefield this day. She'd been avoiding her own death for the past several years as the war had dragged on, and she'd found that it was actually harder to stay alive than to dive headfirst into a place where you could be killed. It was more difficult to live than to die. The thought was liberating. Trying not to die had been driving her crazy. Dying to save the world sounded awesome.

Was this her purpose in this world?

She looked askance at Shikamaru. His face was more serious than she'd ever seen it. Why? Did he doubt the success of the plan, or was he sure that he was leading them both to their end? She guessed it was actually the latter. Shikamaru was not a very optimistic person. She supposed it had something to do with his intimacy with fact.

Dying to save the world next to the man she loved? Check. Personal peace achieved.

And then, just as the sun sat its fat ass down on the rim of the world, black fire bloomed around them, trapping them. "Amaterasu," Shikamaru murmured to himself. "Dammit." He shook his head. "Hideki, Kohaku, Kota. Stay out of this fight unless it becomes clear Madara knows we're the decoy. We need to keep up the illusion as long as possible." They all nodded their assent and took a position behind Shikamaru and Temari. "Temari," he said quietly so only she could hear. "You remember that fight we had, the very first time?"

She caught his eyes. A lot of emotion passed between them without words. Memory, history, respect, faith. He believed in her, she realized. He was asking her about that fight because he needed her help. "Yes," she replied softly. "I got ya."

"You're not going to like this, so it's an order, you hear me?" His voice was strained, as if it hurt to say it.

She knew what he was going to say. Knew she wasn't going to like it. Nonetheless, there wasn't much time, and she respected that he was smarter than her. Whatever plan he had cooked up, it was probably their best chance as a group. She nodded grudgingly. "Okay."

"The success of this mission depends on the time we give the others. I need you to help me trap Madara with the Shadow Possession Jutsu. Once I get there, I need you and the others to get as far away from here as possible. Do you understand?"

No! It was exactly as she feared. "We can fight," she tried, but it sounded feeble even to her. There was no way in hell they could defeat Madara alone.

"We can't beat him," Shikamaru said grimly, echoing her thoughts. Best we can do is hold him until the sun goes down, and hope that everyone else can win it without me."

 _Without me._ His words shot an arrow straight through her heart. He meant to sacrifice himself. Of course he did. Shikamaru, better than most, understood the team dynamic and the broader concepts of the world. By dying here today he knew he could save thousands, perhaps the world. It was a price he had weighed and deemed worth paying, no matter what he wanted for himself. He was never a selfish person. He knew he would never see her again, and deemed it worth the fate of the world. Shikamaru was not physically that strong. He could hold Madara—maybe—and that was it. And once the sun went down, the shadows would disappear, and Shikamaru would be finished. She wondered with anger if this was his plan all along.

"I'm not going to let you," she said stupidly.

"Temari, please," he begged. "We can't fight about this. I just need you to be ready to run when I've got him, okay?"

She nodded, unable to speak. Then, in a spontaneous movement, she closed the distance between them and kissed him hard, pulling his chest close to hers so he could feel her heart pounding. "I don't just want you, Shikamaru," she whispered fiercely. "I love you. I need you. Somehow… you have to survive. You promised me a lifetime after this war."

Pain laced his expression. "I know, sweets. I love you, too. And I'm sorry." He kissed her again, and then he pushed her away.

Madara stood before them. He seemed larger in person than she imagined. He looked just as smug as ever, and all the desensitization to death and dying and all things in between fled her completely. Suddenly she was terrified. The world was about to lose the life of Shikamaru. Surely it would be a darker place without him. The thought of him being deleted from the fabric of fate was paralyzing.

Luckily, her body knew all the things her mind had forgotten. There was some kind of attack, but her feet dodged it. There were things thrown through the air, but they somehow missed. And then she was moving, trying to push Madara Uchiha toward the fatal mistake that would allow Shikamaru to trap him.  _No! No! No!_ Her mind shrieked.  _Dodge. Feint. Jump!_ Her body acted. Seconds dragged out over the span of minutes. Every movement felt as if it were slow motion. This would be the moment she remembered for the rest of her life.

And then she heard it.

"Shadow Possession Jutsu is a success." It sounded dead, completely drowned of emotion.

Her eyes saw the brilliant red halo of the setting sun, surrounding the black silhouette of Shikamaru. The image imprinted on her soul. Her heart shrieked a battle cry, determined to convince her to beat the snot out of Madara Uchiha while Shikamaru held him down. And her feet, her traitorous feet, carried her ever further away from the only thing she had ever wanted. A Shinobi never shows emotion. A Shinobi never shows emotion.  _A Shinobi never shows emotion._  She ran, heart shattering into trillions of tiny fragments exploding from her chest. Her face was cold as the wind pelted her tear-streaked face. She couldn't see, for her eyes were too blurry from the damp. She hit countless branches, rocks, and whatever else stood in her way.

'Run away' had been the last thing he had ever asked of her. She wouldn't let him down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I find myself strangely silent. This scene makes me kind of sad.


	6. Human Wreckage

Some weeks later, someone told her that the choreography of the maneuver had been perfect. Division Two had never been found, but Hinata and Neji had miraculously found Division Three only a few days before they pulled it off. They were exhausted, but alive. The rest of the allied Shinobi had caught up with Division Five by midday the next day. Gaara's division and Third Division had run into Tobi, but Bee had been stalking Tobi for weeks. They hadn't managed to kill him, but both of his eyes had been so horribly maimed that they left Tobi completely blind before he disappeared. They hoped, but did not expect that they had seen the last of him.

After the whole of the Shinobi forces came together near the north shore battleground, Temari blacked out. She stayed in the care of the medical division while the fighting forces engaged the real Madara with Naruto and Bee. Madara had finally been killed-again-in what she was told was an epic battle worthy of remembrance and celebration.

No one could understand why she was so underwhelmed, but she was. Why should it be such a big deal that thousands of Shinobi united plus two Shinobi with the strength of godlike demons had managed to drag down one epically strong zombie? Shikamaru had stood alone against Madara knowing he was doomed so that they might all live. Wasn't that worthy of remembrance and celebration? Was his sacrifice worth nothing to them?

She was, once again, the only ninja in the entire world with a sour taste in her mouth. She slept during the day. She lay awake most nights, wondering at what might have been. The war was over, and idle misery was more or less harmless in the scheme of things, so few chose to keep tabs on her. For the most part, they just kind of forgot her. The combined forces opted to recover slowly in this location and take their time about going back to their respective villages. It was the last time they would all be together enjoying the camaraderie for a very long time. They didn't have time to worry about one depressed lovestruck woman. She brought the party down.

When she felt well enough to walk around, she took to drinking. She drank during the day and passed out every night. She didn't even check to see what she put in her mouth. Sake, beer, hard liquor, wine. She didn't care which order she drank in and ended up throwing up most days. She felt like a zombie soaked in drink. She was sure she smelled like one. Her insides felt horrible, absolutely thrashed from her abuse, but none of it compared to how torn her heart felt, dead in her chest.

She remembered dimly that Kankuro had tried to talk sense to her, but she'd been drunk and didn't remember anything he had tried to say.

She remembered dimly that Gaara had done the same thing, but remembered absolutely nothing from it.

And then one morning Gaara woke her up roughly without a word, dragged her by the shirt all the way across camp and threw her into the dirt. "Temari," he said, quiet but deafening at the same time. "What has gotten into you? Are you trying to kill yourself? And be honest!"

She said nothing. She didn't have to. He knew.

His face was concern. His voice, command. "Pull yourself together, or I'll have to thrash you until you do." With Gaara, that was not an empty threat.

She gave him a Look. Whatever was in her face scared her brother, Gaara, a man who at thirteen had been the living embodiment of Fear itself. In a voice that sounded as raw as she felt, she said, "Do you think anything you could do to me will hurt me more than I've already hurt myself?"

At a loss for words, he left her. Kankuro and Gaara didn't bother her again. She didn't care.

After a few weeks more, she had had enough of the drinking. It wasn't helping, and it didn't hurt enough to keep his memory fresh. She needed to see him, any way that she could.

That night started a fresh round of Tent Roulette. Except this time, there were thousands more tents, more reason to hate herself, and less to do to occupy her time otherwise. Day. Night. Lunch time. It didn't matter anymore. One guy, two at a time. Throw a woman in there… whatever. For the ones she lay with, they were celebrating life by going a little crazy. For her, she was trying to forget everything about who she had ever been and trying to see his face in theirs. Days blurred. She didn't know where she was, what time it was, or what day of the week. Nothing mattered. She never saw anyone she knew anymore. She was sure her brothers knew all about it, but she avoided them and they seemed to be avoiding her as well. Whatever.

And then one morning, there was Naruto. He looked splendid in a white and red long coat, his face lined from the stresses of a war that, for the most part, had been all his. He looked grown up, regal. And yet, after so much, the only feeling that emanated from him was compassion. Here was the first person who she  _wanted_  to talk to. He might actually be someone that could do something for her. His arms were crossed in his typical TA-DA! pose, but he was not smiling at her. She tangled her fingers in his jacket, looking for something real to hold onto. "Naruto," she whispered pleadingly, " _Help_   _me_."

He wrapped both arms around her and pulled her close, hugging her, lending her strength. "Temari, it's going to be okay, alright?"

She chose that moment to let go completely, and the sobs racked out of her in torrents until she was sure she was a complete mess of wails and snot. She vaguely recalled being lifted and carried somewhere, but did it matter?

When he finally set her down was when she had finally spent her grief. He'd taken her from one tent to another. "Temari," Naruto said quietly, his voice thick with something akin to sympathy. "I'm only going to ask you for one favor, okay?" His voice was gentle yet persuasive. He waited for her to reluctantly nod. " _Stay_. Until you're ready to come back to camp. Just stay right here." Then he flashed a bright Naruto grin and winked, in that instant just like the old Naruto, and then he was gone.

She sighed heavily. If she was ever going to feel okay, it would start with grieving. She curled up on the ground inside the tent and hugged herself tight. The tears came more slowly this time, and without all the loud screaming. She was alone. No one would hear her, and she was able to grieve properly. It hurt, but it was a calmer storm now. She closed her eyes and let her mind wander, and before long had dozed off.

A tight squeeze around her waist startled her from her nap. She was warm. More importantly, she caught the delicious scent of a clean man. She breathed it in, recognizing it immediately, and assumed she must be dreaming. If it was a dream, it was a really good one and she wasn't going to wake up without getting what she wanted. She took a breath and let go a contented sigh, then nuzzled her face into his chin. It was then that she realized he was sleeping, too. She turned around as gently as she could so she could study his face, committing it to memory so she never had to forget it ever again. His brows were creased hard, like he was having a nightmare, and sweat glistened there. He was shirtless, and from armpit to waist he was bound with gauze. There were dark circles under his eyes, too deep.

The bandages made it real. He was here. She swallowed and held her eyes open, afraid that if she breathed or blinked he'd be gone again.

As if the realization were all that it took, his eyes fluttered open. They stared at each other for a long time, neither breathing a word. Finally, he took a deep breath. "Hey," was all he said, then exhaled as if it had taken all of his lung power to say that one word.

"Hey," she said back, unsure of what else to say.

"Thought I was dead, didn't you?" he asked, sounding tired.

"Yeah, I guess I did," she replied.

He blinked a few times. "You were right."

"What happened?" she asked. There were two questions there:  _How did you die? How did you live?_ Either answer would be fine. What he said didn't matter, so long as he was speaking to her like this.

"One guess."

"Naruto?"

He smirked. "Yeah. I didn't see what happened. I was already done. Naruto did something, Madara is dead, and then I woke up in a hospital. They said I almost didn't make it, but I was in a coma for weeks."

"Why didn't anyone tell me?"

"No one really thought you might want to know except your brothers, and apparently they thought that if I still might die it'd be worse if you had to live through it twice."

She shrugged. They'd have been right, but she wasn't happy about it. She kissed him. "I love you."

He smiled and shut his eyes. "I know. I love you, too." The smile shifted into a smirk, and when he opened his eyes again, that spark of wickedness was there. "It's going to be a little bit before that sex I promised you, though. I'm feeling a little wrecked."

"Me too," she said, her heart falling as she remembered the more recent past. "I've… done some things."

He shook his head slightly. "I thought I made it clear how I felt about that. You're not a woman that can be tamed, and I like you that way. I don't care what anyone else thinks about it. Whatever you've done, and I mean down to the depravity of being a necrophiliac-pedophile-rapist bad, I'm okay with it."

"Gross," she said, wrinkling her nose.

"I know, right? I was surprised to even hear that come out of my mouth." He chuckled, then grimaced and hissed through his teeth. "Ouch. Laughing isn't good."

She pouted. "Might be a  _really_  long while before the sex, huh?"

He shut his eyes and cuddled into her chin. "Yeah. But we have forever now."

She smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awww... fluffy stuff! Hope you liked it. :) And YAY! He's NOT dead! Lucky you. I usually love killing off characters. But this is a happy story. Please take a moment to let me know what you think of it!


	7. Saved

They drifted in and out of sleep for the better part of the day. They'd wake and cuddle, careful not to hurt Shikamaru's ribs. He didn't know what was under his bandages, and he told her he didn't really want to. "I feel like I've been eviscerated, and it's probably true," was all he said about it. Then, since both of them were still exhausted, they'd doze off.

At one point, she decided food would be a good idea, so she left the tent. She found that it was way off by itself. She didn't see another person or tent anywhere, except that Naruto was sitting cross-legged on the ground nearby. She idly wondered if he'd taken their protection unto himself. He stood when he saw her and came close. "Hey!" he greeted her. "You look better!"

Her attitude came back. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?" she accused, folding her arms across her chest.

His smile dropped away. "I would have, but I always had something that needed to be done. First we had to deal with Madara. I actually got hurt during the fighting, too. The medics wouldn't let me leave my bed for over a week. I would have left the hospital anyway, but I don't imagine you're familiar with Sakura as the lead medical ninja. She  _personally_  made sure I didn't go  _anywhere_ , and promised to give me injuries that would make Madara look like a genin if I did."

She tapped her foot and waited for the rest.

"Then I got called to the command station with the five kage. Obviously, Gaara came, too. I told Kankuro to tell you that Sakura had said Shikamaru was going to be fine, but he said you hadn't talked to him in weeks and didn't think you'd see him. Gaara and I were gone for a while. Tsunade named me as the Sixth Hokage, which normally would have made me feel awesome, but right now I just feel... tired. Then, everyone wanted to throw a party in my honor, so I had to stay for that. I got back yesterday. When I asked Kankuro and he said you still didn't know, I was  _pissed_! And that was when I sought you out and brought you here." His blue eyes were genuine. "I'm really sorry, Temari. I wish I could have told you sooner."

She set her mouth in a hard line. She accepted it, but she wasn't ready to forgive yet. She changed the subject instead. "Tell me everything."

His face went grim and he swallowed. "It was ugly... Are you sure?" She nodded. He sighed and took a deep breath. "When Shikamaru Telephoned the plan to me, Bee went after Tobi and I went after Madara. I knew Madara would take me straight to the diversion company, and I knew Shikamaru would be there, and he's always had more sense than strength. I knew his plan would be to hold Madara and let everyone else escape. He's done that before, just after the Chunin Exams. Lucky for him, I have more strength than sense." He smiled briefly, then continued, his voice hollow. "I got there too late. There was blood everywhere. I didn't even have to look close to know he was dead. He body was torn. Madara had already gone. I don't know any medical ninjutsu at all, but I always know where Sakura is. I used that Telephone trick you all taught us to call her. A lot of times, she has more strength than sense too, and she came running. I didn't dare move him myself, but I tried to… to put him back together." He didn't meet her eyes.  _I feel like I've been eviscerated,_ Shikamaru had said.

His voice grew ghostly soft. "It was a...  _really..._  long time before Sakura got there. She pushed me out of the way and told me to go. I heard her whisper, 'hang on just a little longer, Nara.' I wanted to stay, but the way she looked at me then was different. Scared. 'Naruto,' she said, 'if you don't move your ass toward Madara, it will all be worthless. Now go. You can't help me here.' So I went."

She released a breath she didn't know she was holding. Apparently it'd been just as bad as she had imagined. "Okay," she said tremulously. "Thanks for telling me." He nodded, suddenly awkward. Probably he wasn't sure how to make her feel any better. "Hey, I need to go get some food, now. We're hungry."

Naruto held up both hands in a halting gesture. "Whoa. No, as I told you before, you have to stay. It's doctor's orders."

She raised an eyebrow.

"It's just…  _she_  said… it's like…" She raised the other eyebrow. "You know what? I'll just send Sakura up here. Just… stay. For now." He walked away shaking his head, muttering something about women.

Not too much longer, the pink-haired kunoichi that had become somewhat of a medical wonder strode toward the tent with purpose. "Temari," she said, inclining her head. She walked right past Temari and into her tent.

Somewhat annoyed, she followed Sakura into the tent. Sakura instructed Shikamaru to lie on his back. She had brought fresh bandages. When she noticed Temari was there, she said over her shoulder, "You won't want to be in here. It's not pretty." Temari shook her head, indicating that she wasn't about to go anywhere. Sakura hadn't seen though, but she apparently didn't care, as she had already begun unwinding bandages.

Once they'd been completely removed, a rotting stench filled the small space, and Shikamaru and Temari hissed through their teeth at once. It was bad. His entire abdomen was a bloody ruin. With grim determination, Sakura dabbed at the wounds with a damp sponge, cleaning off a lot of the blood. Shikamaru grimaced. "It stings," he said, more to himself than anyone.

Sakura nodded. "I'm amazed you're even alive." She finished dabbing in silence, then pasted a very pale green cream over his wounds and rebandaged it.

"Oh, that feels heavenly," he said, dropping his head back and smiling.

"It's a painkiller. It's a new thing we've developed. Remember though, even if you can't feel it now, you will when it wears off, so go easy. No strenuous activity." She looked at both of them when she said it, and Temari had the grace to blush. "Shikamaru, rest. Temari, with me." She exited the tent. Temari followed. "Listen," she said in what Temari now recognized as the Telephone jutsu. It was a loud whisper to her. "When Naruto called me to save Shikamaru…" she shook her head, trying to make sense of it herself. "He shouldn't be alive." Sakura's green eyes were concerned. "He was holding on far longer than a body should be able to hold on. Any ninja, even Naruto, would have been hours cold by the time I got there. It's a complete miracle that his heart is still beating, let alone the fact that he's talking, has a memory, and can walk. Why do you think that is?"

It was a rhetorical question, and they both knew it, but she answered it anyway. "He promised me we'd be together when the war was over."

"Right. And we all know what  _you've_  been doing since the war ended." Temari looked away. "Shikamaru knows, too. It's not my place to judge. The only reason I say that we know is because we all know how different you are around him. It's under my order that you're both confined to this tent. He wouldn't be alive without you. You were headed for absolute destruction without him. Whatever your plans are now, I'm ordering isolation for the two of you together. Only Naruto and I are allowed to see you at all. Your meals will be sent here. Bed rest, for both of you, until you are well. Don't make him move more than he has to. Obviously, though it goes without saying, I'm telling you.  _No sex_."

Temari nodded. "What about my brothers?" She was worried they'd never forgive her for her awful behavior.

Sakura took a deep sigh. "You leave them to me. I think they'll be more understanding than you think." She smiled and squeezed Temari's hand.

"I need to see Gaara," she said. "Please."

Sakura hesitated, but relented. "Okay. I'll send him. Good luck, Temari."

She smiled as Sakura turned to leave. "Oh, and Sakura!" she called, halting her. Sakura turned. "Thanks," she added. Sakura nodded hastily and retreated, smiling.

When Sakura had gone, Temari went back into the tent. Shikamaru was sitting up, a worried expression on his face. "It's going to scar horribly," he said. She nodded. "I look like I've been chewed on."

"You went toe to toe with Madara Uchiha come back from his grave and lived," she said hopefully. "Everyone says you're lucky to be alive. I'd say you look great, all things considered." She stretched out next to him and laid her hand over his chest. "Shikamaru, the Hero," she cooed. "I bet you never thought that of yourself before."

He kissed the top of her head. "No. I never really even cared to be a ninja. I just wanted to do whatever I wanted to do without anyone trying to tell me otherwise. My, how age changes people. Responsibilities are a bitch."

She agreed. "Yep. I have to apologize to my brothers. I've been evil."

"Trust me, darling, they're more concerned with whether you're going to be okay from now on than they are with how awful you've been. We men are simple that way. It's more about the here and now or the immediate future than the past." He squeezed her closer and rubbed her back.

She purred with pleasure. "This is nice," she said. "I feel good."

"Good," he said. "We're going to get a lot more of this now. Are you willing to be my girlfriend?"

She feigned surprise. "You mean, like a date?"

He smirked. "Yeah, if you're okay with that. I can't do anything physical for at least a month, Sakura says. She needs to keep tabs on my ribs and my internal organs. There's a lot of repairs that need to happen inside me before I can try anything too strenuous."

She leaned her head back and kissed him. "That's alright. I don't think I'm ready for a physical relationship right now. My body has betrayed me. I'd really just like to spend time with you. I'm awful at Shougi… show me how?"

A slow grin split his face. "You want to play me at Shougi? You know who you're talking to, right?"

"I never said I wanted to beat you at it. But that doesn't mean I can't learn how to beat everyone else. Also, I've always wanted a man to cook me dinner."

Shikamaru cringed. "I guess that means I'd better learn to cook."

She laughed. "I can teach you. That will make it even better. What do  _you_  want to do?"

He hesitated. "I always wanted to dance with a girl. Not the new way, where people are practically having sex on a dance floor. The old way. Waltzes and stuff."

Her mouth twitched. "Really?"

"Really. You'd do that with me?"

"Of course. Whatever you want."

It was at that point that Gaara's shadow appeared outside the tent. "Come in," Shikamaru said. Her younger brother ducked his head in then stood as tall as he could, arms crossed. It didn't take a genius like Shikamaru to see that he was not pleased.

"Temari," he said, his voice deadly quiet.

"Gaara," she returned, her voice sounding smaller than she would have liked. Neither she nor Shikamaru made a move to stand up and honor the Kazekage. Shikamaru probably shouldn't, but she wasn't about to let him go now that she had him.

"You sent for me," he stated, though if he was at all offended by being sent for, he didn't let on.

"Yes, I wanted to apologize for my behavior."

"You  _have_  been an embarrassment." She felt Shikamaru bristle next to her, but he didn't say anything yet.

"I was… unhappy." Understatement of the year. "I thought this guy was dead. I've felt worthless for a long time. I don't… I don't really have any other excuses, Gaara, that's why I'm apologizing."

No one said anything for a long, long time. Gaara stood there, staring down at her. She wondered what he was thinking. Shikamaru wisely did not try to stand up for her or break the silence. Gaara outranked and outpowered him. Noble motive would not protect him if there was a fight. Finally, Gaara released a heavy breath and sat down facing them both. "I don't give a damn about your behavior, really, Temari." She couldn't hide her surprise. "What I gave a damn about was that you were so upset and you weren't acting like a Shinobi. You forgot all about your comrades who need you, your brothers who love you, and your duty to the Sand Village. You are welcome to grieve in any way you see fit, but you aren't welcome to forsake your overwhelming responsibilities as a ninja and as my sister. Do you understand what I am saying?"

Shikamaru relaxed. She nodded. "Yes, I do. I'm sorry, Gaara. It won't happen again, no matter what." All three of them exchanged glances, wondering if a similar situation would ever happen now that the threat of world destruction had passed. Then, she leaned toward Gaara as if to say something even more serious. When she'd leaned as far as she could, she broke out in an exaggerated grin. "So… can I keep him?"

"Nara?" He exchanged a glance with Shikamaru. "Have you been ravishing my sister?"

To his credit, Shikamaru didn't miss a beat. "Not yet, Sir. Doctor's orders."

"Right." Gaara stood. "I have to see to the rebuilding of the ninja world. We've lost a lot of good Shinobi. We need time to grieve and to restructure. There will be numerous talks about the future of the allied forces. I think a lot of enemies have been unmade during this trying time in our lives. I need to talk to Naruto, too. He and I have some plans concerning the Tailed Beasts and making sure that all future hosts and their demons can enjoy a bond similar to Bee's and his. That would make it better for us all in the long run. I have to go be Kazekage now, so I hope your sorrows are finally over Temari. I won't have time to be a proper brother for a little while."

"I understand, Gaara. I'm very proud of you. You've been an admirable leader, and a better brother than I could have asked for."

"Thanks, Temari," he said, warming finally. "Oh, and Nara?"

"Gaara."

"Make my sister happy. I don't want to see her sad ever again. Seeing her cry rips something deep inside of my gut that I worked very hard to suppress over the years. In short, if you make her unhappy, I will fucking kill you. I will kill you dead." He didn't wait for a response. He strode quickly from the tent and left them there, the power of his words reverberating in the hot air.

Shikamaru looked at her and raised an eyebrow. "See? I told you." They laughed.

* * *

THE END

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, it ends there. No, I'm not writing a lemon in here nor writing a sequel to this one. It's done, you hear me?! HAHAHA! I like it. I think it's the kind of ending that lets you fill in the rest but wraps everything up. I hope you've enjoyed it!


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